How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i think my cat just said my name.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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