I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
