would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
