I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
