we're chasing vodka with high fives
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
