There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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