rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
