She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
