Kiss
Puke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
