nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
