We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
