I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
