Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
