Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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