watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
