'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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