Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
