I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
