Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
