ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
