I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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