so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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