your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
