There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
