hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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