you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Boobs speak an international language.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
