My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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