Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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