Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

yo i have your phone

(202): View more from Washington, DC

... oh so you probably won't get this message

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(831): View more from California

My boss' voice literally gives me gas

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(785): View more from Kansas

this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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(301): View more from Maryland

Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird

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(330): View more from Ohio

she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot

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(731): View more from Tennessee

you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.

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(213): View more from California

At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick

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