I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize