Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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