I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
