I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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