i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
