Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
