Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
