Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
