just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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