ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
