i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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