Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
