He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
