Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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