people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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