I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
