You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
