i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
