TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
