508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
