Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
