I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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